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Longer Passion, Lasting Pleasure...

I was recently interviewed on the topic of keeping passion alive in a long term relationship... 

The interview was fairly brief, and afterwards I started thinking more seriously about what really keeps us connected, both sensually and sexually. As the owner of Diva, I have nearly a decade of talking with women and couples about pleasure, passion, and desire under my belt. 

Women come to me with real life stories about their wants, needs, and concerns. Keeping the home fires burning (so to speak) is a frequent topic of discussion. Entire books have been written on the subject, but simple reminders and solutions often work best:

  • Know Your own Pleasure:  Do you know what turns you on, both mentally and physically, and are you open to the fact that this may change through the years? Have you mastered the skill of self pleasuring to the point that you could show your partner exactly the way you love being touched?  Are you connected to your own body in a positive way, allowing you to give, receive and grow passion with your partner in the long term? It is never too late to learn, and though it sounds trite, practice makes perfect.
  • Remember Your First Pleasures: For most couples passionate kissing was an important part of initial physical connection and chemistry. Kissing stirs up all sorts of positive chemical reactions in our brains and bodies, bonding us to our partners. Long kissing sessions (no less than 2 to 3 minutes) can be a sensous part of foreplay, igniting sexual passion. Bring back those "make out sessions" of the past.
  • Keep in Touch With Pleasure: Remember when you couldn't keep your hands off each other?  Holding hands, long embraces, strolling arm in arm, all of these are physical reminders of your sexual bond to each other.  When couples stop touching each other in their day to day experience, it becomes harder to reconnect sexually....so keep in touch.
  • Speak Pleasure: Say it!  "I love you", "I want you"... words of love, desire, caring, even a little bit of dirty dialogue is a sweet reminder that your partner is more than just a housemate. Women respond well to aural seduction, and both partners need a reminder that they are loved, desired, and cared for. 
  • Find New Pleasures: Relationships can become routine through the years. Simple changes can spark new interest in our partners both mentally and sexually. We all need to stimulate our brains, as well as our bodies to keep passion alive. Trying and learning new things (in or out of the bedroom) keeps us interesting as individuals, and opens dialogue with our partners. 
  • Plan for Pleasure: Spontaneous sex is great, but great sex is BETTER! Having a planned "sex date" with your partner builds anticipation, and assures your partner that you are interested in staying sensually connected to them. Regular sex keeps passion energy flowing between you, as one encounter leads to the next. Spontaneous sex will often become more frequent as a result. Planned "quickies" are great for couples with children, or other time constraints, and they help maintain connections between longer sessions.
  • Expand Your Idea of Pleasure: As your relationship matures and changes through the years, your mind, body and life will go through changes as well. You or your partner may experience serious or long term health concerns, or lifestyle complications that affect your sexual relationship. Your aging bodies might function quite differently than your youthful ones. Your idea of what sex is, or how long it should take, or what apparatus (toys, and sex accessories) are involved may need to change and/or expand. The emotional connections, love and shared experience you both gain through time cannot be replaced by a hotter, younger, or healthier body, so learn to make adjustments.  
  • AND finally, if resentment, stress, or other issues have seperated you from your spouse or partner sexually...Take a deep breath and consider that you both deserve to feel pleasure, together again. 
  • P.S. Have patience, be understanding, communicate your needs with your partner, and passion can survive...Plus, a good sense of humor goes a long way!



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